5 Steps to Get the F’ Out of the Negative
We all have those moments. Those days. Those weeks. Those months. Those years. Where it seems as if nothing goes right. One shit storm after another. One hot mess moment followed by another. One disappointment that morphs into ultimate defeat. Guess what? Those moments never go away. Shitty, right? Like, we don’t want to hear that we are going to have bad days and not only that- there’s nothing we can do about it. However, there are ways we can flip that shit so we aren’t drowning ourselves in Reese’s & Jersey Shore reruns on a Wednesday at 2pm. So yes, there are going to be shitty days, bad news, disappointing people, and hot mess moments. But let’s teach ourselves to get the fuck out of that head space, get back on track, and conquer the crap out of the day.
Let me introduce Disappointed Daphney and Sasha Stuck. These two chicks are gonna get their mindset back even when they are at their lowest. Using the 5 steps below, there is nothing they can’t do to flip it and get back their fire.
Disappointed Daphney has started a small business offering at-home companionship services to elders and their families. Her business is less than a year old, but she already has multiple clients that she works with privately. They love Daphney, her warmth, attention to detail, and approach with family members. Daphney has been working on expanding her business and created a business plan to pitch local hospitals. She wants to partner with hospitals and have her pamphlets available to any elders and families that come in for treatment but may be looking for the companionship services she offers. After meeting with 4 local hospitals, she got 4 resounding NO’s. All the work that went into those business plans, her faith in her vision, her goals- it all seemed to be crushed. If she can’t get into the hospitals, how will she expand to the next level? Where can she even go from here? What is wrong with her that she can’t convince these hospitals she offers great services?
Sasha Stuck is in a different position. Sasha feels like she can’t figure out the right path in her life. She is taking jobs to pay the bills that are piling up, but nothing is fulfilling her. She dreams of living a certain lifestyle, but just doesn’t know how she can even get there. The job she has is nice, it gets her by, but she isn’t thriving. She wants to thrive. She is starting to feel disappointed in her life, her choices, her lack of direction. How did she get here? Why isn’t she living the life she imagined for herself? How can she figure out how to get ahead while doing something she loves?
Daphney and Sasha are a true reflection of a lot of us. Whether we find ourselves in a defeated mindset or at a huge road block we just can’t get around, there are ways to get out of this. Let’s explore:
Ok, so first. Let’s just accept that these things happen, right? Let’s just all agree that we can’t always control the shitty things that happen to us. The things that make us feel out of control and frustrated. Once we are able to accept that we can’t control what happens to us all the time, we are able to shift into a new state of understanding that there may be something else we can control. And that is the way you use this struggle to define your purpose. Disappointed Daphney needs to accept that fact that there are going to be a lot of NO’s in biz life. That’s just a given. Sasha Stuck needs to accept that bills are a fact of life and they aren’t going to go away by themselves. Once we accept the reality of what makes us feel this way, we can move the fuck on.
Next we are going to eliminate the defeated thoughts, the “why me” thoughts, the negative stream of consciousness that flows freely on days like this. These are not helping anything. They don’t promote movement, they don’t allow us to move forward. They keep us living in the toxic head space. There’s nothing good happening there. If you can flip the things you are telling yourself on a bad day and turn them into something positive (as corny as it sounds), you’re already taking a huge step towards getting out of it. Daphney needs to remind herself that yea, 4 hospitals said no, but she has rockstar clients that love the shit out of her. She isn’t actually failing or flailing, she’s thriving. Her plan didn’t go as planned, but that’s not truly a failure. Those NO’s don’t take away any of the success she has built up until this point. She needs to take away the power those NO’s have on her. On the other hand, Sasha needs to stop telling herself that she is disappointed in the direction of her life. That she can’t get to the place in life she wants no matter what she does. Sasha needs to wake up every day and tell herself she IS working towards her ultimate goal. She is working to pay her bills and this allows her to explore where she wants to go. The job isn’t holding her back from exploring what she wants to do. It’s actually allowing her to support herself while she figures out the next steps. Eliminating the negative thoughts that pile up in those bad times doesn’t sound easy, but it’s essential.
Here’s where we get back to basics. Where we get back to that part of you that hates being smothered by the shitty attitude. The purpose of your struggle is to remind you of what it is you are yearning so much for. It’s not why you are struggling. It’s- what is this struggle keeping you from? The answer to that is where you need to re-align yourself. THAT is the answer to the purpose, that IS your purpose. Disappointed Daphney is disappointed because she wants to reach as many elders and their families as possible. She wants to show them all that she has these amazing, unmatched services. She’s frustrated and disappointed because she sees these NO’s as a huge road block to reaching a whole new group of potential clients. But what she really can now focus on is that her purpose is to reach as many elders and their families as possible. That’s where she can remind herself of what her true mission is and that NO’s can’t take that drive away from her. Now Sasha Stuck needs to stop focusing on what is keeping her from the lifestyle she wants and remember what it is that she actually wants. Why does she feel so disappointed in her day-to-day life and what is it that she feels she is missing? Her purpose lies in the answer to that. Once she can re-align herself with her ultimate lifestyle goal, she can also reset her mental energy to focus on that. There’s nothing more powerful than re-discovering the “thing” that drives you. Once that is unleashed, it’s gravy train after that.
Guess what? In the school of life, learning is actually fucking fun. It is what keeps us from going backwards. If you’ve learned, you’re moving forward. If we can learn from our bad days, we can help ourselves get out of the funk on the next one, and the next, and the next. What has this set back, road block, bad news taught you about yourself and what you want? Why are you so upset by the way it made you feel? How could your reaction be different next time? What has re-aligning with your purpose taught you about handling bad days? Daphney has learned that not all business plans are going to be successful, but that it can’t keep her from making another one. It can’t suck the success out of what she has already accomplished. She won’t let a thousand NO’s take her away from hustling to get that one YES. Although Sasha isn’t going to be able to just quit her job and live the lifestyle she wants, she has learned that taking the steps to get there is the most important part. She can’t constantly feel like she is not getting there but she can consistently tell herself that she is working towards it. The way she speaks to herself about her current situation is going to propel her in that direction- so she needs to keep it positive and she needs to stay focused. If we haven’t learned anything from a really shitty situation, then there’s no guarantee we won’t get stuck back here again. We don’t want that.
Now this is where we have escaped. We’ve sat in that fucking rainstorm for long enough and we finally found our way to the open sunshine. We’ve accepted, eliminated, re-aligned and learned. Now we will fucking grow. We have turned this moment into one of our biggest lessons and now we know how to handle it. It’s handled. -(OP). We aren’t going to let our struggles consume us, drown us, deprive us, defeat us. We are going to turn them into the drive to our purpose. Daphney is now going to focus on the local senior centers, she’s going to talk to her current clients about potential referrals, she is going to let her success be the driving force of her mindset. Sasha is going to keep working towards the goal. She’s going to figure out what she wants and make sure she is doing something every day to get there. She won’t let that “stuck” feeling feed her fears.
We’re growing. We aren’t looking back. We’re not suffocating our purpose. We are driving, hustling, and thriving. And most importantly, we aren’t afraid of the next rainstorm.