Yep, you read the correctly. Sounds cray-cray, right? Well, let me explain. Then I promise you’re gonna be all- dammnnn!
So let’s just start off by addressing the reality of jealousy in our world today. It is an emotion/action/attitude (whatever type of word it is) a majority of us are taught or led to believe is a no-no feeling. It’s something we need to avoid feeling or expressing. Most of us don’t want to admit that we feel jealous or envious. It’s not a good look on us, right? Then there is another part of the population that embraces their jealousy. And not in a sentimental way- I mean, the psycho girlfriend/boyfriend/friend that acts out and thoroughly expresses their jealousy to the fullest- you know who you are, peeps. Outbursts (sometimes public, which are fun to watch I will admit), relentless texts, comments, phone calls, name calling, stalking, hour long conversations about others, etc. While different, neither of these are the role jealousy should play in our lives.
First, let your jealousy run rampant in your mind. Feel that shit in your body. Let it go, don’t try to stifle it or brush it off. It will most likely feel strange at first and we will want to put it right back deep down inside of us. But let it creep up to the surface and blossom. Trust me on this. And for those of you who use jealousy to ignite your anger, outbursts, or actions- don’t. Just don’t. This is the worst use of jealousy. You’ll be a bitter, pain in the ass for the rest of your life. No one wants one of those people around, ever.
Second, we are going to explore our feelings of jealousy. And this is the most important part. This is the foundation of the key to happiness through jealousy. What are we feeling jealous of? What are seeing around us and feeling envy towards? For some it’s going to be the stupid, hot bitch that works at the coffee shop. Why is she so annoying in her yoga pants without a trace of cellulite? I’m sure she makes the shittiest coffee, I mean what time does she have to wake up in the morning to do her stupid eyeliner? She only makes good tips because she’s always smiling at guys and ignoring girls. So really, what are we jealous of here? Is it her annoyingly kick-ass body? Is it the fact that she looks pretty every single morning when really, we didn’t make the time to do our own makeup? Is she happy and friendly every day and you’re so miserable with your life that you can’t even say thank you to the person who held a door open for you? Start exploring these feelings, why are you jealous of the barista? The answer is most likely something you are lacking in your life that you actually want.
Someone else’s jealousy could be triggered by an acquaintance from high school they discovered on Facebook. How are they living in the most expensive city in their own apartment? How did they get such a great job after college? There’s no way someone can have such a great job this young without someone helping them out, they probably slept with someone important. Or their family is connected. I’m sure they can’t be making that much money, they’re just making it appear as if they have this great lifestyle. It’s probably all from an inheritance. Their family is definitely connected. This is one of the more important ones to explore because this says A LOT about ourselves, what we feel we are lacking, and basically what we actually want with our life. People can be this successful if they have the drive, if they know what motivates them and how to harness that. So what does this tell you about yourself? Are you sitting there with all this potential in the world, and not successfully utilizing it? Do you want to be working for that company and living in that apartment all by your own hard work? Or do you just want a job that makes you happy, as this person appears to have found? Do you just want to be more financially secure? Explore this. Explore those feelings. Explore what this jealousy is actually telling you about yourself. It’s not about them, it’s about you. It’s so much about you, deep shit, hidden shit, internalized shit.
We could go on all day:
Jealous of the friend who is always travelling? Maybe you wish you had more free time. Or the balls to actually book that flight to Europe.
Annoyed by that person who is at the gym every morning, same time, same machine? Perhaps you really want a little more structure to your day so you could make this commitment.
Envious of that chick who always seems to be going on dates or the one with a hot boyfriend? Get out there. Don’t sit on your ass every Friday night, hide behind your pint of Ben & Jerry’s and mock the ones who are actually living.
Feel that your significant other’s co-worker is getting too friendly with them? Most likely you are missing that connection with your partner and wish you could get it back. Or you’re not being the partner you should be. Or they’re not being the partner they should be. Own that shit. End it or step up, then move the fuck on.
This is where we are doing the exploring. And this is where we are learning about our desires, our wants, our needs, our real and true hardcore feelings.
So now you’re like- ok Kait, I got it. Exploring, exploring, discovering my wants….so? Well now is the time to figure out how to flip this shit and put it into action for yourself. Now that you’re learning all of this about yourself, what are you going to do about it? What are you doing to change your life so you don’t have to feel this every day? Maybe you have to put a little more time into your work day. Maybe you have to get your ass out of bed early and get to the gym. Instead of, she’s always out with her friends flip it to, I am going to go out with my friends more often. Or, how is she home on a Monday afternoon blogging flip it to, I am going to create a life for myself that gives me the time off I want. Flip it so you are assuring yourself that you will get what you really, truly want. This is how you create the life you deserve, the life that will make you happy. Even if it is something small, working towards it and doing it because you’ve realized your wants is going to propel your life in a whole new direction. Maybe once you get it you realize it’s not actually what you thought it would be, and then you’re really going to find yourself on a whole other level of exploration. Just don’t “live” inside the envy. Use it as a tool and take action, don’t live there.
Jealousy should be one of your top motivators, it is certainly the most telling of what we desire. It will grow with us. When we elevate ourselves to higher levels in our life, our jealousy and envy will change. It’s okay. Feel it. Embrace it. Use it. Maybe just get up 10 minutes earlier and do your makeup. I guarantee next time you’re in the coffee shop with your makeup on fleek, you won’t be so harsh in your mind towards that chick making your coffee. And always, always say thank you to someone who holds the door for you. That’s Life 101, don’t be a bitch.